My mentoring relationship with Mercy (not her real name for confidentiality purposes) is unique because it’s neither one of those I planned for nor is it under a structured program. Mercy had just come back from the UK after being there for about 10 years. During this time she undertook a HR course and worked in the same line before deciding to come back home. As she was wondering where to go to church and find a mentor, her friend who is known to me invited her to our church and that is how we met. Young, pretty and educated Mercy was determined to find a footing in her own country. She further informed me she was looking towards achieving three things;
Secure a job immediately
Grow spiritually- be grounded in the word of God
Get into a relationship that would lead to marriage.
I realized that what I was about to commit to was not easy but being one who is naturally driven when it comes to helping someone achieve what they are capable of, I was determined to do it. It is during this unplanned, unstructured mentoring relationship that I appreciated the following rules of mentorship;
Sacrifice; I set aside one hour every Sunday after service to meet with Mercy. This was a sacrifice considering that Sunday is a family day meaning I had to momentarily deny myself this family time. I was not going to help Mercy if I was not ready to sacrifice.
Confidentiality; The issues that Mercy needed us to address were sensitive, so sensitive that she could often breakdown during our meetings. If it’s not a relationship gone sour it’s a turn down by a potential employer, a family member who‘s a nuisance or just feeling at her lowest. The best I chose to do for Mercy during this time was to hold all information shared with high level of confidentiality. Even when I needed to refer her for help in areas that I was not an expert, I avoided sharing any information to a third party without her consent.
Motivation; Though I do mentoring at a fee, this one was among the unique ones that I do not charge. Two things that motivate me; 1. Gratitude; as a young girl in my Church school class, we used to sing this song; ‘What do you have that you were not given X2, Do not behave like you were not given, Glorify God with what you have’. I am motivated to share what God has freely given me. 2. Love; I cared deeply for Mercy and I took it as my responsibility to help her unleash her potential. I loved to see her make small & major steps towards her desired goal. These two (gratitude & love) are my motivation in any mentoring relationship whether paid or not. They are fulfilling.
Transparency; At first I noticed that Mercy was shy and cautious, she could say little and leave it for me to fill out the blanks. That was frustrating because I wanted her to be as open as possible. I asked God to help me through this set back and He quickened something in me- the need to make the relationship less formal and share my life with Mercy. I started inviting Mercy into my life; sharing my own experiences; good or bad, introducing her to my work & family, praying together and so forth. This took our relationship to another level just because Mercy realized that I am also human.
Paul says; “so we cared for you. Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well”. 1 Thessalonians 2:8. I doubt if I would have had the kind of breakthrough I had in helping Mercy if I never shared my life with her.
While it is true that different mentoring relationships require different approaches, I am convinced that as a mentor you will not help much unless you stir up your awareness and understanding of these four; Commitment, Confidentiality, motivation and transparency. Please take time and consider how you apply the four.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]
Great
Quite insightful